First dates and first impressions

I went on a date recently. One of those dates where you meet for a coffee/tea/beverage after work. And so of course the evening prior I spent about an hour pondering – what to wear?! The outfit had to be something suitable for my professional workplace, and at the same time I didn’t want to appear overly formal. I wanted a certain softness that would translate well in to the beautiful and cosy ‘tea house’ where the date was set to take place.

 

I did manage to pick an outfit that I felt was suitable for both environments (funky scarves really can do wonders to transform a simple outfit!). And then I realised the top I had chosen wouldn’t sit properly unless I wore the push-up bra. Cue my dilemma…

 

I’m actually pretty comfortable with my body. I like it, I feed it good food, I treat it well. My body and I are friends. Last year held some pretty stressful events for me and as a result my weight dropped. I liked my body before, I still like it now… only now I’m a cup-size smaller than I used to be and clothes don’t quite fit the same without the occasional push-up. I have become used to it and view it in pretty much the same way some people might use an insole to make their shoes fit properly/more comfortably.

 

BUT – as I lay out my outfit on the bed and then a thought struck me… If I turn up on a date with a push-up bra… and if at some point this turns from a date/dating in to a relationship – then will she feel deceived? I hope I would never date or be in a relationship with someone so shallow as to judge me over a cup size. At the same time I couldn’t help but wonder if wearing a push-up bra on the first date would constitute as some kind of ‘false advertising’. Does it denote a lack of honesty and present a false image? Or was I just thinking about this waaay to much (most likely the later).

 

I know that if you’re in the world of online dating – profile photos don’t always do people justice – then sometimes you really have to wonder how the person you meet with really thought it would be ok to present such an altered image… or how you were supposed to recognise them to begin with!

Often I find it mildly (to moderately) challenging to meet people based off their profile photo. I believe anyone who’s tried online dating will be familiar with this dilemma. I once dated someone who I didn’t initially recognise at all when they turned up for our first date – because they had short hair on their profile and then rocked up to our date about 5 years older and with long hair… Or the couple of times I met people for dates when their profile photos had been taken in black and white and (as it turned out) also from an odd angle making them appear very different to their real life appearance…

 

I like to think that when I create a dating profile I am presenting a realistic view of myself. I put up recent photos, and I don’t photoshop them or add filters. I truly appreciate it when others do the same. But this is totally heading off on a tangent and I truly do feel that the wide-world of dating profiles requires its own dedicated post… which will happen… soon.

 

Back to the question at hand – I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Is it acceptable to go on a date and knowingly give an altered impression of you/your body?

– particularly on the first date?

 

With love from my Crooked Curve of the world.

Annie-Jay.

14 thoughts on “First dates and first impressions

  1. Thanks lovely 💚 I just see so many men and women out there going to such extremes to look like something out of a photoshopped magazine (and end up looking so different to their natural self) and I couldn’t help but wonder – where is the line? At what point does it become unhealthy/unrealistic?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think most people alter themselves to present the best-possible picture, both on profile photos and in real-life. However, the examples you brought were kind of terrifying 😀 … I think a pus-up bra is not the end of the world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree – and I’m all for people being the best version of themselves… if that’s how they present in real life. It’s when there’s a huge gap between the profile pic and real life that I have a problem! One person I met was actually better looking in real life than in their pic – but it still threw me because it wasn’t congruent with what they had been presenting online.
      I did go with the push-up bra in the end, and you’re right – it wasn’t the end of the world 😅

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with the comment above, be yourself! There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel good and look good. Do what makes you comfortable. I don’t think that would classify into the category of trying to alter yourself what so ever!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks lovely 💚 I just see so many men and women out there going to such extremes to look like something out of a photoshopped magazine (and end up looking so different to their natural self) and I couldn’t help but wonder – where is the line? At what point does it become unhealthy/unrealistic…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Personally I think it just depends. I myself don’t wear any makeup besides a little bit of mascara and eyebrow pencil but not over top. I think when people where 10 pounds of make up I think that’s altering yourself completely. Or when people wear butt pads or only take neck up pictures to hide their weight. By wearing a bra with a little push up is good! Don’t you worry.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I see that there’s levels.. a little push up might not be a huge deal, though a push up that boosts you three sizes might be pushing it.. at the same I have to wonder whether wearing butt pads is really that different to wearing a push-up… there’s a magical line somewhere – on one side is ‘acceptable alterations/modifications/accentuations, whilst on the other side there’s 10 pounds of make up and highlights that make your face seem a while different shape. At least taking photos from the neck up is an omission than an alteration

        Liked by 1 person

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