I had to go in to hospital briefly, yet unexpectedly last year (and thankfully exited with a pretty clean bill of health). At that point I’d been identifying as Bisexual (although only dating women) for about 12months. So you can imagine my surprise when the doctor said she wanted to perform a pregnancy test “just to rule it out”… I was like, “uh I’m definitely, Definitely not pregnant, but if you believe it’s so important to confirm then sure, go for it”.
As you may have gathered, I can be a bit of a smartass, so I also texted my ex girlfriend and advised her the doctor wanted to check if I was pregnant, and if there was anything she hadn’t told me then now was the time to speak up. We had a bit of a laugh about ‘how hard she had tried’ to get me pregnant.
Forward to this now… Still exclusively dating women, only now I officially identify as Lesbian. Today I devoured half a block of chocolate. I mentioned this to my bestie and she enquired after my welfare (as most women know increased chocolate consumption is usually a sign of distress). There was no reason… the only thing I could site for my increased craving for sweetness was that my period was overdue. Overdue period… the perfect invitation for a pregnancy joke. Only for lesbians these are twice as funny coz we know there’s not a chance in hell it could be true. So the conversation goes something like this:
Me: I’m definitely not making caramel sauce tonight. I already ate about half a block of chocolate today!
Friend: Wow! Are you ok?
Me: Yeah, I feel fine… my period is overdue though so maybe that’s why
Friend: OMG maybe you’re pregnant! *Jokes*
Me: Immaculate conception for the win! Though this so messes with my plans *eye-roll*
Friend: It’s the second-coming of Christ!!! 😀
Me: If a lesbian gives birth to the second-coming of Christ… do you think the church would re-think its stance on homosexuality?
Me: Or maybe Mary was gay/pan and her partner was trans… and the immaculate conception story was a cover-up to allow denial of gay rights to parenthood!… whoa….
Friend: Hmmm… uh, definitely too much sugar for you today…
Me: Not that I have one… but how long might it take for a sugar high to wear off?
Friend: Mine normally goes within an hour
Me: I only had my last piece of childcare less than half hour ago
Me: I see your point
Welcome to my crooked curve of the world!